


Minnie-mizing

by yongguks_smile



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Autistic Chanyeol, Autistic Xiumin, Established Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Sensory Overload
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 01:32:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15207884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yongguks_smile/pseuds/yongguks_smile
Summary: Bright lights. Loud noises. Strong smells. Germs. Voices constantly going and people trying to talk over one another. Chaos. Planned chaos. And yet nothing really goes according to the 'Plan'. Fan-signs are stressful. They're a headache inducing nightmare...but good at the same time. At least for a little bit. They can be fun. Being able to see and talk to the fans is something Minseok wouldn't trade for the world. If only it could be for a smaller amount of time. Or less people. Less lights. Less noise. Less germs. Less chaos. Just...less.





	Minnie-mizing

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [quiet days](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10561626) by [sunshineline](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineline/pseuds/sunshineline). 



> Just a quick note: I am in no way saying that those portrayed as autistic in this fanfic are actually autistic in real life (as if it would be a bad thing if they were.) Please enjoy and thank you for giving this fic a chance. See end for more.

    Bright lights. Loud noises. Strong smells. Germs. Voices constantly going and people trying to talk over one another. Chaos. Planned chaos. And yet nothing really goes according to the 'Plan'. Fan-signs are stressful. They're a headache inducing nightmare...but good at the same time. At least for a little bit. They can be fun. Being able to see and talk to the fans is something Minseok wouldn't trade for the world. If only it could be for a smaller amount of time. Or less people. Less lights. Less noise. Less germs. Less chaos. Just... less.

**Minnie-mizing.**

    You know those mornings where you wake up and just... Don’t feel right? Something is off, but you can't exactly place it? Yeah. Minseok is having one of those days.  
Usually the mornings are good. They're easy. The alarm will go off, you get up and switch it off, then get up and out of bed. Have breakfast and brush your teeth if there's time, if not you get dressed, grab whatever you'll need for the day and head out. Sounds easy enough, right? It is. It's routine at least.  
But today, it wasn't the alarm waking Minseok up, it was their manager yelling at him from his bedroom door. Today it was loud and abrupt and not routine.  
Waiting until their manager left the doorway, he slowly sat up and looked around. Why was he being yelled at? Why hadn't his alarm gone off and woken him up like it always did? Like it was supposed to do. Speaking of alarms, where was his phone? It's usually plugged in on the nightstand, but when he'd looked around before he hadn't seen it.

  
    Grumbling quietly to himself Minseok slowly pulled the blankets away and slid his legs over the edge of the bed until his feet hit the cold floor. He could already tell that today was going to be one of those days. The kind of day where the sun is too bright, and the fluorescent lights buzz like chainsaws inside his head. The kind of day where no matter what you wear everything itches or digs into your skin like rough sandpaper. It's one of those days and it's making him late.

  
    He carefully stands up and grabs the corners of the blankets to pull them up and tuck them snugly back into place, then grabs the pillows and places them gently on top, careful as to not make any wrinkles in the blanket. Taking a step back, he looks over his bed from top to bottom, making sure he didn't miss anything. Seeing nothing out of place Minseok turns around and freezes when he sees their manager staring at him from just inside the doorway.

  
    "I've been trying to get your attention for 10 minutes now. We need to leave. Don't worry about getting dressed or brushing your teeth. You can do all that when we get there." He hurriedly explained as he walked over and grabbed Minseok by the wrist and pulled him out of his room and to the door.

  
    Minseok squeaks as he's pulled along, the hand around his wrist, gripping tight like metal shackles. Once they reach the front door his arm is released, and he quickly pulls both his arms in close to his chest and frantically taps his fingers along his collarbone while humming quietly.

  
    "Hurry up and put your shoes on. I'll be in the car with everyone." He says, walking over to the door. "Try to get control over... whatever this is. We don't have all day." He ads waving his hand in the space in front of Minseok.

  
  _'It's ok Minseok. Deep breath. In and out. You got this.'_

    With his fingers still tap tap tapping away at his collarbones Minseok quietly slips his feet into the closest pair of shoes he can find. At this point he doesn't care if they're his or not. He doesn't care that there's too much space at the tips of the shoes where his toes should be. He doesn't care that with every small step he takes he can feel the shoe slide off till he steps down and hears it click against the floor like a gunshot through cement. He doesn't care as he quietly makes his way out to the car, after stopping to check and re-check that yes, he did lock the door, and no one was going to rob them while he wasn't there to protect everything.

  
    Finally, after a torturous ride in the too bright and noisy elevator, he makes his way to the van. Minseok dislikes parkades, but he hates underground parkades the most. Even the smallest of sounds will reverberate off the concrete walls and pillars just to echo back a thousand times louder. He can't stop himself from clamping his hands over his ears anyway in an attempt to at least muffle a bit of the noise, but that proves to be pointless as a sudden loud honk goes off and hits him like a slap in the face and causes him to freeze in place.

  
    "Hurry up! We're already 15 minutes late. We don't have time for this!" Their manager yells out as he slams the horn again making Minseok jump and push his hands against his ears even harder.

  
    _'Just remember, deep breaths. That’s right. Deep breath in, count to five, let it out. Good. You can do this.'_

    Making sure to keep his head down and his eyes on his feet, he makes his way to the van. Once there a hand is placed on his shoulder, making him hum in surprise.  
"Hyung, I found your phone in the living room this morning, but the battery was dead. I have it charging in the front ok?" the owner of the hand said gently. Minseok hummed again and nodded while quickly climbing into the van and trying carefully not to step on anyone’s toes. Not really knowing where to sit he paused and looked for an empty space amongst all the feet, but before he could finish scanning he was grabbed by his hips and plunked into a spot between the window and a large body. Before he can even look up a pair of pink noise cancelling headphones is placed in his lap along with a soft pat to his thigh. Minseok puts the headphones on and mutters a quiet thank you.

  
    As an arm is wrapped around his shoulders, and he's pulled close, he closes his eyes and enjoys the muffled sounds of his groupmates talking and laughing around him. It's times like this that Minseok enjoys the most. The gentle bumps and stops of being on the road, his most important people all within arm’s reach, the pressure on his ears from the borrowed ear defenders. Usually this is one of the times Minseok would consider to be the most relaxing, but today isn't going the way it's supposed to. It feels too much like chaos and it's putting him on edge.

  
    _'Just relax. You can do it. It's just the fansign then you can go home, and everything will be ok. Deep breath, hold it, and out. There you go.'_

    All too quickly, they arrive at their destination. He tries to ignore it as the van slowly comes to a stop. He keeps his eyes closed, face pressed up against Tao’s shoulder. Maybe if they think he's asleep, they'll leave him be? Maybe. He sighs when he feels the gentle patting of a large hand on his shoulder and opens his eyes.  
"We have to go in now before the manager comes and gives us trouble. I don't think Sehun can stall him any longer." Tao said softly as he dropped his hand back to his side. "I know today is an off day so if you want I can stay beside you until we start?" He adds with a smile. Minseok looks him in the mouth and slowly nods.

  
    "Alright. I can do that." He says softly, grabbing Minseok’s hand, sliding along the seat and out of the van. "It's ok if you can't talk right now. You should save your words for the fans anyway, they're much more important and appreciative than our managers are. So, if you need anything, just squeeze my hand ok?" Tao says as he swings their hands and smiles when he feels a soft squeeze in response.

  
    It's comforting having Tao there, makes the chaos easier to tolerate. Even if it's just the tiniest bit. Tao has always had a very soft and calming presence to him and it never fails to cut through the haze on days like this. His Zizi always there for him, he just hopes it'll be enough to hold him together until after the fansign.  
As soon as he walks in the door it's chaos. There's people all over the place, crossing this way and that. The lights are loud and there’s a constant buzz of people chattering away like hornets in a hive. Minseok feels his shoulders tense and his grip on Tao’s hand tighten as he tries to make himself as small as possible. Tao slows his steps and wraps an arm around Minseok’s shoulders and pulls him close against his side, softly telling him to close his eyes. That he would make sure he doesn't walk into anything. So, he hums, closes his eyes and let's Tao lead him to the dressing room.

  
    Once he's safely seated, he opens his eyes and looks around. There's still people running around, but it's more contained. "Must be because it's a smaller room." he mumbled to himself as he slides farther back into the chair. Just as he's getting comfy he feels someone tap his knee, looking up, he sees Tao smiling at him and holding up his clothes for the day. "The stylists wanted to help, but I took over!" he said excitedly shaking the clothes back and forth while holding out his hand. "Let’s go get changed so they can do make up and get it over with." Minseok hums and nods as he grabs Tao’s hand and pulls himself up to be led to a change room.

  
    Quickly pulling off his pajamas he puts on the days designated clothes as Tao hands them to him piece by piece. The shirt is itchy against his skin and the jeans dig in like rough sandpaper making him hum again in distress and tug endlessly at his shirt. "Hyung." Tao whispers carefully as he quickly finishes hanging up Minseok’s pajamas and steps over to him. "Hyung." he says again in hopes it'll grab his attention when it doesn't he carefully places his hands on his shoulders and squeezes. "It'll be ok hyung. Do you want me to talk to the stylist and see if they have anything else you can wear today?" Before he's even finished speaking Minseok is furiously nodding and tugging the shirt up and over his head and the jeans off his legs. He tosses everything into a pile on the floor and crouches down into a ball hugging his arms close and rocking back and forth.

  
_'No no no no. It hurts. I can't do it! Please don't make me do it!'_

    What feels like an eternity later, he hears a quiet voice. Not sure if the voice is talking to him or not he keeps rocking until hands are placed on his shoulders again and he hums long and high pitched. The hands pull away quickly and the voice talks again. This time the sound of rustling fabric catches his attention and he looks up to see Tao on his knees in front of him holding different clothes than the ones from before. Looking from the clothes to Tao’s mouth he realizes he's still talking and tries to focus.

  
    "-feel better than the other ones. See? the shirt is all soft and loose!" he shakes the hanger again to show he's telling the truth. "And the pants aren't actually jeans? They're like sweat pants but they look like jeans! They're really soft inside too." he says, holding up the pants for Minseok to feel. He slowly reaches out a hand and runs his fingers along the material of the pants and sighs in relief when his fingers don't catch on the fabric. Rubbing the fabric, he looks back to Tao who's still kneeled in front of him with a hopeful look on his face. Nodding twice, he stands up and pulls the pants on, missing the smile that breaks out over Tao’s face.

  
    "Feel better?" Tao asks looking up at Minseok as he pulls the shirt over his head and flaps his arms when he sees that the sleeves are really loose and don't cling to his arms. "Feel better." he echos back. "Feel better." he says again smiling.

  
    "Great! Now let’s go get make up over and done with-" Tao exclaims, cutting himself off. He stands up quickly and steps close to Minseok grabbing his arms and looks at him. "Hyung, did you eat yet?" he questions, squeezing his arms twice waiting for a response. Minseok freezes and hums. "Eat yet?" he repeats looking from his sleeves to Tao’s mouth. "I've been trying to get your attention for 10 minutes now. We need to leave. Don't worry about getting dressed or brushing your teeth. You can do all that when we get there." he echoes the managers words from this morning and frowns.

  
    "What? What's that? Who said that? Manager?" he asked squeezing Minseok’s arms once more before grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the change room and back to the main room. "Manager. Eat yet?" Minseok replied, squeezing Tao’s hand back. Frowning, Tao gently pulls Minseok over towards the couches where a few of the other members are sitting. "Sit here and I'll go see if I can find you something to eat before the stylists get to you ok?" he asked turning around to face Minseok. Once he felt his hand squeeze his, he nodded and walked away muttering to himself.

  
    Slowly shaking his arms to feel the material of his sleeves flutter, Minseok turns around and sits in the empty space on the couch between Chanyeol and Suho. Scooting so he's all the way back on the couch he slouches over into Chanyeol’s arm and grunts. Getting the hint, he pulls away and wraps his arm around Minseok’s shoulders and pulls him close again.

  
    "What's up hyung? Rough morning?" Chanyeol asks as he gently kisses the top of Minseok’s head. Not really expecting a response he isn't surprised that all Minseok does is draw his legs up to his chest and grunt pushing himself further back against his side. "I'm sorry hyung." Chanyeol says tightening his hold on his hyung a tiny bit figuring he was probably wanting the pressure. "Mmm sorry hyung." Minseok echos back closing his eyes.

  
_'Maybe some sleep would be a good idea? Zizi probably won't be able to find food in time anyway. Not anything that isn't slimey. Or tastes like microwaved cardboard stuck to the bottom of a dirty leather shoe.'_

    Focusing on his breathing and drowning out all the sounds and smells around him, Minseok forces himself to sleep pressed up tight and safe against one of his favourite people. Hopefully things will be better when he wakes up this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok...How was it? I hope you enjoyed it. This is my first time attempting to write something so I really hope it came out well.
> 
> But this is a topic that, as someone that is autistic, is really important to me. There isn't really a lot of representation in fanfics or stories in general so I wanted to try my hand at it. I got the idea to write something while reading sunshinelines Autistic BTS series. I can't even begin to explain how much that series means to me. I read it all in one day without stopping the first time! Now i find myself reading it whenever I'm having a particularly hard time. It never fails to make me feel better...and if this story can have that effect on even one person out there then that's all I could ever hope for.


End file.
